Core Emotional Needs: Safety

The word “safety” can have a lot of meanings. One definition of safety is being protected from threats of harm. Other words we might use to describe safety include security, protection, and sanctuary. 

Being Safe Enough

Sometimes we think of safety in absolutes: we are either safe, or unsafe, and there is no in-between. It can be really helpful to think of safety as a spectrum, rather than an either/or concept. If we think of safety as an absolute, we can feel unsafe more of the time, because any situation with a hint of risk may feel intolerably unsafe to us.

The reality is that we can’t ever be 100% safe. No matter how much we try to protect ourselves, we can never be fully sure that an unexpected dangerous situation might arise. However, we can do things to reduce risk of harm. And we can learn to notice the degrees of safety, and feel out what level of risk feels tolerable to us. 

We do not need to be 100% safe, 100% of the time, but we all need to find ways to feel safe enough. Being safe enough allows us to focus on meeting our other emotional needs, rather than spending most or all of our energy avoiding danger and defending ourselves.

Physical and Emotional Safety

We often think of harm as physical injury, but harm can also refer to injury to our mental and spiritual wellbeing. In fact, when we are harmed physically, this often hurts our mental wellbeing, by impacting our relationships, our ability to trust people, or our beliefs about the world.

What is Neglect?

Harm can also come from the absence of needed support, not just the presence of injury. When we experience harm from a lack of action or support, we call this neglect. 

We can be neglected physically or emotionally, depending on whether the neglect leads to our physical needs (such as for food, medical care, or shelter) or our emotional needs (such as support, boundaries, and connection) not being met.

Questions for Reflection

  • Is there a time I can remember feeling safe enough? How do I know that I felt safe enough? What thoughts, emotions, or body sensations were telling me?

  • How do I feel reading the definitions of safety on this handout? What do I agree or disagree with? Is there a difference between what I think and how I feel emotionally?